dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
