Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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