I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
