just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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