Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
