she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Houston, we have a squirter
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
