Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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