clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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