He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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