god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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