Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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