May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
