I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
