So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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