I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
