At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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