Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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