And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
