He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
