a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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