i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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