New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
