i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
