Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
