party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Duck Duck Cougar?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
