dude i'm inner monologue high
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
