I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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