do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
