he wants to bone in the snuggie
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
