I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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