i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
