True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
