I want to walk on stilts...naked
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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