I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
