Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
