He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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