I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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