and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
