Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
