We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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