My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
