we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
