I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
