i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
