How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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