next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
