Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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