I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
