I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My bed smells like the plague
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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