He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
