Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
