Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
