Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
