Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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