You made me cry and you don't even care
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
