He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
