then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
