I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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